So I am a 35-year-old non-binary person who uses they/them pronouns. And I want to tell you a little bit about how I got here. This is my gender journey! I just wanted to tell you a little bit about how I went from Assigned Female at Birth to proudly nonbinary for the last ten years.

As far back as I can remember, I was uncomfortable with the trappings of girlhood and womanhood. You know, I was unironically, not like other girls. I remember being 14 and being really repulsed by the idea of childbirth. I didn't want to play with dolls, like all that really normal “trans stuff.”

But then when I turned 17 and went to university, I met other people like me. At the time, this would have been 2005. We didn't have the word “non-binary”. That just wasn't in the popular lexicon. So I started identifying as a “genderqueer woman” and then eventually just “genderqueer”. And I still used she/her pronouns, but being Genderqueer was like what you were at that time, if you were like me, I don't know.

And then a little later, I got on Tumblr.com, and it's kind of a classic story now. I learned a lot about different types of gender identities, and it became kind of a safe space to try on different labels and different pronouns. I found the term demigirl and I was like, “Oh yeah, this sounds a little bit more like me,” more than genderqueer, like - I never felt - when I think about Genderqueer, I kind of think about gender fuckery, like a combination of, you know, extremes of masculinity and femininity. And I never really felt like I was queering gender. I was just myself, you know what I mean?

So I left genderqueer and I tried on demigirl. I felt like, you know, part of me was a girl, maybe, but then part of me wasn't, you know, I don't know. It was really confusing, but the label felt a little bit more comfortable. So I tried that on on Tumblr, not telling anybody in my life, just putting it on Tumblr. And at the same time, I started using she/they pronouns, just like dip my little toe in the water and see how it felt.

And then what I decided to do was to slowly come out as non-binary. When I finally found that word, I was like, “This one feels really good.” But I wasn't yet confident enough to like tell everyone in my life. So I was dating someone at the time and I was like, “Hey, could you, just for the next month or so, use they/them pronouns to refer to me?” And he was like, “Yeah, no problem, whatever.”

So slowly, one friend at a time, I started asking people in my life to use they/them pronouns for me until almost everybody knew. Basically. I just wasn't out to my parents. I wasn't out publicly on my website. And actually, I remember I paid a poet to write my bio for me without using any pronouns at all, because I knew I wasn't comfortable with she/her, but I wasn't yet comfortable enough to let the world know that I wanted to use they/them. So there was a brief period on my website where my whole bio was just beautifully written but without any pronouns.

And then around ten years ago, so I would have been like 25/26. I just was like, okay, this is silly, like, everyone in my life knows that I'm non-binary, so I put it online. I changed my website, but it still took me a few more years after that before I felt comfortable telling my parents. You know how it is. They're like boomers. I didn't know how they would react, and they've been very cool. It's taken a little bit of time to get used to the they/them pronouns thing, but they were always very accepting from the jump, even when it's been hard for them. And that's really, as a millennial, the best you can hope for.

It was another ten years after coming out as non-binary before I had top surgery. So I had top surgery last April. It's the best thing I've ever done. But honestly, I'm glad I waited because it was the right time. Like when I got it was the right time for my body. I've had really bad chronic pain for the last 15 years, but in the last five years it started to get a little bit better. As you can see in the video, I'm standing, which is something I could never have done like ten years ago. So when I had top surgery, for me, it was the right time. But everybody knows when their right time is. So, yeah, now I'm here. I'm planning another gender-affirming surgery in the coming year. I'm planning to get a hysterectomy. And everyone's journey is different. So, I just thought I would share mine. And if some part of this resonates with you, let me know! And I hope this helps.